Golden Wedding Anniversary

With the high incidence of divorces in Malaysia today, a long lasting marriage is a great achievement. So it was with great happiness and tremendous admiration for the couple, Victor and Jessie D'Bruyne, that I attended their golden wedding anniversary on Aug.13th,2006 at the Orchid ,Royal Lake Club, Kuala Lumpur.

Coming from a home where my parents, Goh Teik Chow and Wong Sweet Wah, also celebrated a golden wedding anniversary, I am always full of joy when attending such functions.

The D'Bruyne dinner was the third golden wedding anniversary I ever attended. Before the toast, naturally the "groom" was asked the secret to their long-lasting union. In half-jest he said that one should possess ears which were hollow, so that words would go right through, "and you don’t allow any nagging to bother you." But his statement to newlyweds, he said, was, "Trust you will be lucky," since no one can foresee how a marriage would turn out.

As for his other half, Jessie said that one should "fight from the start, so that the other party knows where he stands." However, long standing friends ,many in their late seventies and eighties, took their statements in jest, knowing it was a time to make merry and not listen to long speeches. Even the dance the couple had to go through, at the insistence of their guests, lasted less than a minute. "My legs are not as strong as they used to be," said Victor, as he escorted his wife back to the main table, where their grandchildren sat.

The evening of fine food, entertainment by the grand­children and singing of rollicking, foot tapping and nostalgic oldies by a band, was a gift from their five children (four daughters and a son.)

Guests who went up to say their piece about the couple confirmed what everyone in the hall knew - that they were people who had lived honest and exemplary lives.

"Victor may not be a very rich man today, since he is full of integrity and honest to the hilt, but he is very rich in the family he has blessed with wonderful, caring children and grandchildren. There are very few such honest people in the world today,'' his best man at the wedding 50 years ago, said, before the toast.

How did they meet? Over a cup of tea with Jessie - one of my favourite teachers at the Johor Baru Convent, where I was educated - at her home in Bangsar recently, I was told that "it was a rather long story, and it was certainly not a case of love at first sight. "This, despite the fact that Victor was an extremely handsome young man and Jessie, a very pretty lady - as my classmates would testify.

Jessie's uncle and aunt, together with her eldest sister, were taken as prisoners-of-war by the Japanese during the War and incarcerated in Penang Gaol in l945. Victor, his parents, two aunts and his sisters were the second batch of prisoners- of-war forced in. They became friends when Jessie's elder sister and aunt cried each time they were offered "moi" (thin rice gruel) and "smelly salt fish" for their meals. "Victor's mother had taken a big container of "tau yu bak" into the prison, and kindly offered to them to spice up their meals and that is how they became close friends," explained Jessie.

The "jailbirds" became close friends during their internment and often visited one another after the War. On one such occasion, Jessie's aunt took her to the home of Victor's parents. Here, she climbed a chempedak tree and fell ignominiously down. Victor was sent to inspect what the screams were about, and helped Jessie to her feet. "That was the first time I met him, under such embarrassing circumstances," she laughed.

In l949, when Jessie's Uncle tied the knot, he made Jessie the bridesmaid and Victor the bestman. That was when Victor noticed Jessie and he courted her in earnest after that. They were engaged in l953, before she went on a 2-year stint to Kirkby for a teacher training course, which was completed in l955. Seven years after they started courting, they finally walked down the aisle on August 11th, l956. The rest, as they say, is history.

Like all couples, every marriage has its ups and downs. Whilst Victor worked in the Income Tax Department in Singapore, Jessie had to commute daily across the Causeway to Johor Baru to teach at the Convent. "This was because I could not afford to pay the Government back the $10,000 scholarship fee if I did not work in Malaysia. But after Victor took up a position in the Ministry of Commerce and Industry in Kuala Lumpur, I was transferred there."

Victor took optional retirement when he was offered a job in the Commonwealth Secretariat in London. Here, their children were educated, and all five attended universities there as well.

So the event I celebrated on Aug. 13th had its beginning 50 years ago. In a marriage lasting that many years, "compromise and toleration are the two virtues most vital in a successful relationship. In this world, nothing is perfect and no two persons are made alike, hence in marriage, compromise is key to a happy and successful marital union. Compromise means you have to respect each other's rights and feelings. With this correct mental attitude, marriages are better able to weather any storms in the relationship," added Jessie.

Thank you, Victor and Jessie, and I now look forward to attending your 60th wedding anniversary.